Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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