Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
