My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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