So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
