I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
