just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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