remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
