Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
