The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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