He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
