you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
