all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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