I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
