When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
