I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
