I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
