My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
