bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
