I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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