Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
