just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
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there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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