Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
