My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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