Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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