Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
