Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
