I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I would fuck him just for his dog
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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