Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
