Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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