i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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