I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
