Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
people are starting to question the shark bite story
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
