I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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