oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
