i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
