dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
