I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
