my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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