Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If I die, sorry about rent.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
