apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
