In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
okay pat passed out under dana's car
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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