Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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