I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
