Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
