You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
