Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
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I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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