Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
