Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
