i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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