I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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