i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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