As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We are all done wearing pants today
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
