There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
