He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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