Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
