I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
