He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
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You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
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You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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