Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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