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i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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