Already got asked if we're dating
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
