how can u be prego again
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
