i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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