Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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