Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
