The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
