I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
