This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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