Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
