dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
