What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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