Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
