Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
