i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
