Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
