If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
