We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
then he tried to convert me to islam
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
