Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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