If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
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Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize