mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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