i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
please come you make the beer taste better
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
