He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
